Sometimes would rather be any other officer doing any other job. Things people think I know. That do not know. All know is numbers in, numbers out, changes in those numbers on occasion. Have been none. It is same day in, day out. Captain not always pleased with my work. Says to tighten scope sometimes but cannot be tightened any more than is. Has left me alone on matter for while. Thank Uzaveh for small favors.
Truth is. Things people think I know. Things that they think fascinate me. Do not at all interest me. Do not care to know. Not in reality. Do not care what time Ensign Fairbanks had boyfriend in, what time he left. Do not care what time Lieutenant Sadik relieved bowels and volume nor for that matter how Sickbay says that movement rates on Bristol Stool Scale.
Do not care that the two noncom specialists in Engineering download prodigious amounts of alien pornography. Only care that connecting to illegal channels via weak point in ship's comm security comprises unacceptable threat. That the alien pornography could have encrypted signals. Even same. Not for me to decrypt. Could not even if wanted to.
When I care what people do with the minutia of their boring lives is when these same people make my day more complicated when it needs to be.
When something breaks. When called from off duty to look at something when would much rather be writing to Shlev. Would rather be making love to Noelle. Would rather be sorting through thavan's things and finding out who he was. As disturbing as it is to know. Even arguing with Diziara, who successfully have managed to avoid so far.
Threats still loom large. Can't pretend do not see them around every corner. Can't pretend to not see them when I close my eyes.
But do I care about the personal habits of Crewmen Wendt and Ennis, Lieutenant Sadik and Ensign Fairbanks, or for that matter... anyone else? Do I REALLY care that Lieutenant Diziara has to my knowledge made tezha with every unattached male in my department?
I really do NOT care as much as people seem to think.
Numbers in, numbers out, and threats. That is what care for.
Maybe those numbers in, numbers out, some clue. Like enigma code. Some clue will be there. For I care for not having nightmares. For not having things to explain to Noelle that have no way to explain. That do not know how to explain.